Excerpt from
Date Out Of Your League
Chapter 4: How Do You Spell Success?
C-O-N-F-I-D-E-N-C-E!
Aerodynamically the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know that, so it goes on flying anyway.
— Mary Kay Ash
There Is No Substitute
The No. 1 quality women seek in a mate is confidence. Coincidentally, or not, confidence is also the key attribute that all professional salesmen must possess in order to be successful. People do not buy products or services from a person who has no confidence in themselves or the products they represent.
Within the dynamics of dating, you are the salesman and women are your customers. It is up to you to sell the product with such assurance—such confidence—that there's no way they wouldn't buy it (the "it" being YOU)!
If you lack confidence in your product—in yourself—it will show. You may be the world's greatest actor, but ultimately your nonverbal communication will give you away. In order to be successful with women, as in sales, you must have absolute confidence in the product, confidence in your abilities, and confidence that you will make a sale.
Where Does Confidence Come From?
"Well, confidence is something that comes naturally", you might say. "You either have it or you don't."
Not true. In fact, very rarely is confidence something you are born with.
Confidence is a mental quality that is learned and acquired. Its growth is gradual and based upon the accumulation of little successes and skills over time. Confidence comes in knowing what to do and when to do it—then in following through and doing it! Because confidence is a characteristic that you can obtain, the important thing is to set the wheels in motion and begin methodically and progressively building it now, and then continue adding to it... for life.
Men with the most self-confidence are inevitably those who are absolutely clear about who they are, what they want, and what they believe to be right and worthwhile. These things are unwavering for the confident man. It doesn't matter what's going on around him (or who is around him). He focuses on the result he desires, and consistently takes the necessary actions to achieve it. From this focus comes his aura of confidence.
Confidence...
comes from knowing what to do and how to do it.
Attitude
The biggest contributor to (or detractor of) confidence is attitude. If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't—you're right! Your biggest battle is in your own mind. Your mind can either cast doubt, or it can inspire confidence.
There are only two kinds of people in the world: Those who think they can, and those who think they can't. Both are right.
Positive thoughts produce positive results. Negative thoughts produce negative results. Attitude communicates your opinion of yourself, of other people, of business, and of life in general. Thought becomes reality. Your thoughts become your reality. You become what you think about most.
Attitude...
It is what differentiates the winners from the losers.
Abraham Maslow, one of the founders of humanistic psychology, said the vast majority of people compare themselves unfavorably with others, dwelling on their own weaknesses and limitations as opposed to taking control of their lives and striving for what they want. Basically, most people sell themselves short and end up with far less than they are really capable of.
The "Law of Concentration" has proven that you really are what you think. When you take control of your conscious mind and purposely think of who you want to become, as opposed to who you aren't, and focus on what you want, rather than what you're afraid you can't have, you will have taken a huge leap towards success.
The Goal
Goals without actions are called wishes—I call them dreams.
A confident man is a man with a plan—a goal. What's yours? To bag that hottie that's out-of-your-league? Well, hopefully you do have other goals, but for now, we'll just work on this one.
OK, so the goal is to get the chick. But which chick? Who is she and what does she look like? Confidence is having the courage to choose among various alternatives.
So, before we go any further, you need to make a decision—what type of woman do you want? You have to be clear here, not vague or unsure, but certain and definite.
Not deciding is deciding to do nothing.
Assuming you've identified the goal (in this case, the type of woman you want), ask yourself what it will take to achieve that result. What needs to happen? What do you need to do?
It probably seems like a gigantic—even insurmountable—task right now. But break it down into smaller steps, smaller goals, and suddenly you'll see that your big task is actually doable. Each small goal that you can accomplish and check off of your proverbial to-do list will build upon the prior one, increasing your confidence, while generating excitement and enthusiasm for achieving that large, long-term goal.
"A perspicacious and a must read. It's the real thing."
-- Debbie Schlussel"One of the best books on picking up women...by a woman!"
-- Chris Sellick"The fantasy of all average Joes..."
-- Melanie Risdon"'Date Out Of Your League' will inspire you."
-- Lisa Ann Williamson"April Masini is"
-- Steve Kasper"Not just for singles...all men need a review."
-- Ginger Cohran"A great book that tells the truth!"
-- Alex Hamilton"Informative and insightful without being preachy."
-- Jeffrey Katz"A Five Star Guide for Men."
-- Lamont"A Boost of Confidence"
-- I've Got Game
